Isn’t this heartwarming? A man who killed seven people, execution-style, won’t go to death row. According to his defense attorney, “The same blood is flowing through his heart and veins that is flowing through ours,” Burch told jurors. “Before you can kill him, he has to be less than a human.”
A “jury of one’s peers” now encompasses those of the same blood type? So if this guy decides to put on a repeat performance, there will be a lot of donors handy? Voir dire must have been a nightmare for the trypanophobic.
Of course, when you walk into a restaurant, execute seven people you’ve never met, and leave their bodies in a freezer, you’re being a sweetie pie. Naturally, the parent defense card was played: apparently, no one who has children should ever be held to be fully responsible for their crimes. (This pachyderm was kidding when she asked if we would follow that system, but truth is stranger than satire.)
On the subject of satire becoming reality: the ACLU sued a Louisiana school district for having the audacity to let people give Bibles to impressionable young children. No school funds were used for the books. Because, obviously, children who so much as touch the Bible will be entranced by it, as it has the same effect on its readers as does the Hypnerotomachia Poliphili.
“With her classmates and teachers looking on, Jane accepted the Bible out of a feeling of coercion and fear that she would be criticized, ridiculed and ostracized,” Cook wrote in a statement about the lawsuit.
Was that written by the Associated Press or the Onion? So she touched a Bible. She can also throw it out, use it as a doorstop or a paperweight, or take it along on the Girl Scout’s camping trip for kindling. No one is actually making her read the thing, and certainly no one is making her profess any belief, which is the core issue of First Amendment rights.
Cancer fears are found to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Apparently, people are so overwhelmed by the conflicting information being given out about how to prevent cancer that they simply give up trying. Those who are confused are less likely to eat well.
Of course, some of this is just bad statistics: people who are more educated are better able to process the information, less likely to be overwhelmed, and more likely to be able to afford fruits and vegetables. Of course, human mortality rates are holding constant at 100%. ;)