Posted by: bridget | 30 November 2007

All Hail the Chief

…Judge of the Ninth Circuit, that is.  Today, Judge Alex Kozinski will take the gavel from Chief Judge Mary Schroeder; tomorrow, he begins his reign. 

The chief judge of the circuit assumes the position based on seniority. The chief judge is the judge in regular active service who is senior in commission of those judges who are (1) 64 years of age or under; (2) have served for one year or more as a circuit judge; and (3) have not served previously as chief judge. Judge Kozinski also believes that looks count, though he can provide no support for that proposition. The term of office is seven years, or until the incumbent turns 70, whichever comes first.

The standard boils down to: most precocious without being old. :) As for the unenumerated, final standard: Mary Schroeder is a lovely lady; her successor is an Art. III superhottie and a winner of the Dating Game.  While (soon to be Chief) Judge Kozinski cannot find any support within 28 U.S.C. § 45 for his proposition, one may consider that the Ninth Circuit, for all its wackiness, is tolerated because, well, Ninth Circuit judges are sexy. (Frequently, federal judges are drawn from the states in which they will sit; California girls are lovely, and it would not be very sporting of a President to nominate a lone, token ugly duckling).  One can hardly stage a good revolt while drooling over the opposition. 

As a person cannot become a Chief Judge of the Ninth Circuit without being a member of the Ninth, and one cannot do that without being hot, looks count.  Quad erat demonstrandum.  His Honour merely misplaced the rate-limiting step and did not account for a disproportionately good-looking pool of candidates.

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Responses

  1. All hail, indeed. Also: you stole my post title, sort of.

  2. :) I saw. Concur re: bungee jumping & snowboarding judge….

    Mine was posted on 7:31:12 pm, Eastern Time. That would be 4:31 Pacific Time. I might have had you beat by a few minutes.

    (FYI: if you’ll notice from my comment policy, I have nothing against shameless self-promotion.)

  3. Good to hear your boyfriend’s now in charge. You must be so proud. HA!

  4. Shameless self-promotion is my default mode, so that’s good to hear. The real question is, how do I get my own Final Fantasy avatar? ;) TT is showing me up.

  5. TT,

    Thanks for the laugh. :p

    Ian,

    I meant that you could freely link to your own blog post. :) If you’re on WordPress, you can get an avatar; you might be able to get a wordpress account just for posting around (without getting a blog). Sunday School Teacher may know more.

  6. PS. Ya know, TT, I might not be single if you would follow through with your promise/threat to find someone for me. (If you weren’t a. married and b. lusting after my best friend, I would return the favour. ;) )

  7. Ian,

    You, too, can get a Final Fantasy avatar! Bored by finals? Need to procrastinate? Avatar yourself. :p

    http://site.gravatar.com/

  8. “If you weren’t a. married and b. lusting after my best friend, I would return the favour. ;) ”

    To the former I reply, I can’t help that you didn’t meet me sooner. MY apologies for the awesome experiences you missed out on. To the latter I say, I have done no such thing. It was merely a tiny little crush of sorts based solely on politics. HA!

  9. As for the first part: I meant, if you were not married, I would fix you up with someone. Not myself. You’ve yet to try to woo me with chocolate, which reveals a serious character flaw. ;)

    It was merely a tiny little crush of sorts based solely on politics. HA!

    Dahlin, you stated that, if polygamy were legal, you would marry her.

  10. “Dahlin, you stated that, if polygamy were legal, you would marry her.”

    As I asked my wife while we were watching Big Love, can’t a polygamist marry multiple working women and be a stay at home dad? If so I would like to sign up. See my brilliant but deviant mind. Tremble in awe, or not- it’s up to you.

  11. “You’ve yet to try to woo me with chocolate, which reveals a serious character flaw. ;)”

    I didn’t even woo my wife with chocolates. Unlike my blog readers I don’t have a “deliberate weight gain fetish.”

    See here:

    http://totaltransformation.wordpress.com/2007/12/09/more-creepy-search-terms/

    Instead I wooed her with poetry (over 50 pages of it), long love letters, and the occasional bit of flatulence (just enough to show I wasn’t perfect). HA!

  12. Wow. So not only do the women have to be demeaned through a plural marriage, they have to support the freeloading man.

    Chocolate doesn’t cause weight gain. It reduces stress; stress produces cortisol, which causes weight gain (esp. around the waist). Ergo, chocolate is a weight-loss food.

  13. TT – I’ve been wondering why people keep googling things about the attempt to increase one’s mass and have stumbled upon my blog… then I re-read this post. Thanks a lot…

    :p pppptttttt


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