Or, morally-schizophrenic brain-dead progressives strike again. The feminist, progressive blogosphere is fawning all over this parody of abstinence-only sex ed. Aside from the numerous logical fallacies of correlating driving with matrimony (unlike, say, equating sex and the resulting babies with a stable marital relationship), the very idea of driver’s education underscores the validity of the abstinence movement. People drive when they’ve hit some landmark in their lives (a birthday), taken a test, and obtained a certificate that tells them that they are now mature enough to have other people’s lives in their hands. We don’t let teenagers decide if they are mature enough to drive; we don’t let them drive without their parent’s permission, nor let them use the family car as a matter of right.
So, without further ado, let’s get started with “Driver’s Ed, the Modern Leftist Way.”
“Welcome to the new and improved Driver’s Ed! As you know, evil conservatives who wanted to control your lives once made you wait until you were 16 to get a learner’s permit. Even that wasn’t enough: you had to take and pass a test – without extra affirmative action points! – to get this permit. Then, you were allowed to take a class and get behind the wheel of a car. Once behind the wheel, you had to have an adult with you to supervise your driving. Only after you had taken the class and spent at least 20 hours behind the wheel could you take another test – again, without affirmative action points – to get your license. Your parents had to approve of you getting your license, too, if you were under the age of 18.
“Obviously, this is horribly repressive. You, and only you, are the best judge of when you are ready to drive; neither the State nor your parents has any business telling you when you are too young to drive. It’s not something that happens at a certain age, or when you’ve demonstrated that you are responsible; you’ll just know when the time is right for you. You shouldn’t have to wait for your parents to tell you it’s okay, or get their permission before using their car; after all, driving is an important part of the human experience. While some children who are now driving at age 12 are coerced into it, we feel that it is most important for kids to learn how to drive in a safe, comfortable environment. Thanks to lawmakers like Barack Obama, we’ve eliminated the requirement that parents consent to their children’s driver’s license. We are working on legislation to remove the notification element as well. If you aren’t telling your parents why you are getting a driver’s license at age 12, there is probably a good reason for it.
“While we hope that you will all make your own decision on when to drive and do so responsibly, we want you to know that we’ll be passing out cars at the end of class for anyone who can’t afford one. After all, you shouldn’t be precluded from driving just because you can’t afford your own car and your parents won’t pay for it.
“Accidents happen. It’s not your fault or anything that could have been prevented by waiting a bit longer to get your license. Unfortunately, the Hyde Amendment prevents the government from paying for your accident and repairing the damage to your car. In six years, when you are old enough to vote, demand that your politicians support the right of teenagers to experience driving. No rich white man should treat a car accident as the consequence of irresponsible and reckless driving.
“We encourage you to wear your seat belt, but understand that seat-belt-wearing is your own choice about your own body. Some people find driving to be less enjoyable when they have seat belts on. In that case, always use a car that comes equipped with an air bag. Likewise, some people think that drinking and driving is bad. Sure, some girls have been pressured into driving when they are drunk, which makes the experience less satisfying for them, but many other tweens need a bit of alcohol to really relax and enjoy the driving experience. Do whatever floats your boat!
Here are your cars. Remember, the most important thing is to have fun! Driving is an important part of the human experience. Don’t let your parents or stuffy old people tell you otherwise. You are on the forefront of the driving revolution!”