Posted by: bridget | 24 February 2008

Driver’s Ed, the Modern Leftist Way

Or, morally-schizophrenic brain-dead progressives strike again.  The feminist, progressive blogosphere is fawning all over this parody of abstinence-only sex ed.  Aside from the numerous logical fallacies of correlating driving with matrimony (unlike, say, equating sex and the resulting babies with a stable marital relationship), the very idea of driver’s education underscores the validity of the abstinence movement.  People drive when they’ve hit some landmark in their lives (a birthday), taken a test, and obtained a certificate that tells them that they are now mature enough to have other people’s lives in their hands.  We don’t let teenagers decide if they are mature enough to drive; we don’t let them drive without their parent’s permission, nor let them use the family car as a matter of right. 

So, without further ado, let’s get started with “Driver’s Ed, the Modern Leftist Way.”

“Welcome to the new and improved Driver’s Ed!  As you know, evil conservatives who wanted to control your lives once made you wait until you were 16 to get a learner’s permit.  Even that wasn’t enough: you had to take and pass a test – without extra affirmative action points! – to get this permit.  Then, you were allowed to take a class and get behind the wheel of a car.  Once behind the wheel, you had to have an adult with you to supervise your driving.  Only after you had taken the class and spent at least 20 hours behind the wheel could you take another test – again, without affirmative action points – to get your license.  Your parents had to approve of you getting your license, too, if you were under the age of 18.

“Obviously, this is horribly repressive.  You, and only you, are the best judge of when you are ready to drive; neither the State nor your parents has any business telling you when you are too young to drive.  It’s not something that happens at a certain age, or when you’ve demonstrated that you are responsible; you’ll just know when the time is right for you.  You shouldn’t have to wait for your parents to tell you it’s okay, or get their permission before using their car; after all, driving is an important part of the human experience.  While some children who are now driving at age 12 are coerced into it, we feel that it is most important for kids to learn how to drive in a safe, comfortable environment.  Thanks to lawmakers like Barack Obama, we’ve eliminated the requirement that parents consent to their children’s driver’s license.  We are working on legislation to remove the notification element as well.  If you aren’t telling your parents why you are getting a driver’s license at age 12, there is probably a good reason for it. 

“While we hope that you will all make your own decision on when to drive and do so responsibly, we want you to know that we’ll be passing out cars at the end of class for anyone who can’t afford one.  After all, you shouldn’t be precluded from driving just because you can’t afford your own car and your parents won’t pay for it. 

“Accidents happen.  It’s not your fault or anything that could have been prevented by waiting a bit longer to get your license.  Unfortunately, the Hyde Amendment prevents the government from paying for your accident and repairing the damage to your car.  In six years, when you are old enough to vote, demand that your politicians support the right of teenagers to experience driving.  No rich white man should treat a car accident as the consequence of irresponsible and reckless driving. 

“We encourage you to wear your seat belt, but understand that seat-belt-wearing is your own choice about your own body.  Some people find driving to be less enjoyable when they have seat belts on.  In that case, always use a car that comes equipped with an air bag. Likewise, some people think that drinking and driving is bad.  Sure, some girls have been pressured into driving when they are drunk, which makes the experience less satisfying for them, but many other tweens  need a bit of alcohol to really relax and enjoy the driving experience.  Do whatever floats your boat!

Here are your cars.  Remember, the  most important thing is to have fun!  Driving is an important part of the human experience.  Don’t let your parents or stuffy old people tell you otherwise.  You are on the forefront of the driving revolution!”




  1. Theo,

    Thanks for pointing me over there! I almost missed it!

  2. Oh, that is a fantastic parody!

    Too bad the one you linked to didn’t have a comments section. Wait, probably a good thing . . .

    I’ll be teaching my 2nd to drive in a couple months, btw.

  3. Teresa,

    You’re welcome (regardless of where you stand on the issue). :)


    Thank you. [Curtsies] You’re more than welcome to borrow it.

    Feministe has a comments section, although watching you debate them is like watching a kitten play with a ball of string.

    Good luck with that. My ‘rents made me learn how to drive on a stick shift. Tough, but I’m glad that I know, and I think it’s more fun, anyway.

  4. Oh, you are too kind! But I think I’ll give my buddies at Feministe a pass today. I’ve been having a friendly debate with some Catholics who think I’ve been dissing Mary for saying she had sex with her husband and have also been trying to ignore a repetitious person on my own blog, so that is enough of confrontation for a Sunday!

    I do hope you’ll share your link with them!

  5. Theo,

    You are probably not surprised that I support Comprehensive sex ed. I commented on this on my blog, but one thing I mentioned was that I asked my 14 y/o what he thought the message of comprehensive sex ed was. He answered:

    “Abstenance is smart. After that, there are various degrees of dumb.”

    Can’t argue with that. :-)

  6. Oh, and yes, I realize that from the above quote it is obvious that my 14 y/o is a huge nerd who will probably never touch a girl until he meets a nice near-sighted Velma clone in his college Microbilology lab.

    Not so strangely, I’m OK with that. :-)

  7. Teresa, good for your 14 yr. old. Maybe he should teach the classes!

  8. Neil,

    Oh, I’m sorry, are we talking again?

    Or are you just allowed to talk to me an I’m not allowed to talk to you? This is so complcated.

    You let me know the rules, and I’ll try to follow them…if I can keep up!

    Unfortunatly, this is a public school and they have this silly “certification” requirement and this crazy idea that merely absorbing the material that the teacher presents doesn’t qualify you to be the teacher. It just qualifies you for a decent grade.

  9. Good point, thanks for reminding me why I stopped talking to you. I was thinking this would be a safe thing to say. My bad.

  10. I’m a big sister. Don’t make me use my dozen or so years of big-sistering to split y’all up.

    Teresa – nothing wrong with being a late bloomer (which, IMO, is probably one of the kindest ways of putting it – I truly hate people who use such language as “not ready yet,” as if some of us nerds are developmentally delayed).

    Neil – I could see how you have enough on your hands. I’m sure your Feministe buddies will present another opportunity for debate. I didn’t say anything, but I did leave a trackback to H,aP. No one has said anything, unless my comment filter caught it. I suppose they don’t like the fact that waiting for some hallmark of maturity before driving a car is a lot like waiting for some hallmark of readiness for child-bearing before having sex.

  11. Don’t worry Theo, we split ourselves up a little while ago in e-mail.

    I won’t be responding directly to Neil unless he says something directly to me (and then only as a reminder).

  12. As for my son, I don’t think of him so much as a “late bloomer” so much as the kind of boy that teenaged girls aren’t interested in.

    They want chest-pounding show-offs, not quiet, studious, thoughtful boys with a level-headed approach to life. THEY’RE the late bloomers, IMO.

    And, as you say there’s nothing wrong with it. I’m just glad they self-select to stay away from my kid. :-)

  13. I would disagree about teenage girls not being into that type of guy. I certainly remember my friends mooning over the quiet, nerdy types, and wondering if the guy even knew they existed.

  14. I liked the quiet nerdy-types too. :-)

  15. That was a great parody.

  16. Teresa – so it’s genetic, is what you’re telling me. :)

    SST – thank you. :)

  17. Oh, he comes by it honestly on both sides of the fambly.


  18. Hi – I followed you over here from Erin O’Connor’s blog.

    The comment before yours – that women have sexual power over men and they need to use that power RESPONSIBLY – good grief. They solve that problem in Saudi Arabia by putting those powerful women in burkhas.

    Teresa, your late-bloomer son sounds like my late-bloomer daughter, who will be 21 next month and has never had a boyfriend. Thinking that her standards might be too high, I asked her what she was looking for. “He has to have a brain,” she said, “and act like a human being.”

    Well, that narrows it down, doesn’t it.

  19. My grandmother always said, “If you get a good one they are worth waiting for and if you get a bad one you have to live with them long enough anyway.

  20. Hi Laura,

    Thank you for stopping by and commenting. As a political matter, I actually don’t believe in schools teaching about any type of sex ed (outside of biology class), at least not during normal school hours or as a requirement. The libertarian in me thinks that this could all be much improved by optional, after-school activities. (In fact, when I was in fifth grade, most of the girls in town learned about their periods and stuff at the local library after dinner. Some people in town ran a girls-only Intro To Your Body thing. Worked well, IMO, and some of that was because it wasn’t associated with school.)

    Anyway… yeah, I saw that comment. I dislike the idea of putting all of the responsibility upon women to refuse sex, whether it be in a frat house with a horny guy or in a long-term relationship. It is a lot of pressure and makes for a very unhealthy dynamic. It also removes all responsibility from men, who are then free to think, “Well, I got her to say yes and I scored.”

    LOL to your daughter’s comment. :) I was 18 before I dated, and I wish I had waited longer. Tieki Rae, who blogs at Haemet (see in blogroll), is about that age and likewise has never had a boyfriend.

    Teresa, I like that one. :)

  21. Leftist Driver’s Ed

    Found this at Helvidius, a Pachyderm (This page explains the blog’s title). This post is about how liberals in this country would run driver’s Ed classes in their own little liberal utopia (HT: 4Simpsons Blog):

  22. […] of the Week This week’s Comment of the Week winner is Neil, for his insightful commentary about the stresses of blogging: Oh, you are too kind! But I think I’ll give my buddies at Feministe a pass today. I’ve been […]

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